2020 in 2022

I have decided to get be vulnerable in here because I trust you guys and this is a safe space. There is also the buzz on the internet about having authentic content yet we somehow relate authenticity to talking about failures and happy content is regarded as “fake”. But I also think we underestimate how difficult it is to be vulnerable on the internet. I particularly wouldn’t be worried about the strangers because they’re just that, strangers, their opinions are just a faraway thought like an illusion. It’s the people who I have interacted or continue to interact with who would scare me. The acquaintances, the colleagues, the people who cut me off for being a fake friend and the one ex we all hate. I just feel like they will know me a bit more than they should. All am saying is that I feel like I am exposing myself like I am by the roadside naked. Ok, I am exaggerating but for someone who feels like sitting on the front seat of a matatu is very exposing, you get what I mean.

Long story short in 2020 my life became a shit storm of sorts like millions of people, a girl lost her job. And yes am those ones who are still dealing with 2020 in 2022. First of all, before you tell me to move on, I have, but please who loses their job in their first month after getting hired? You guys, my first salary was also my last. I had been an intern and had just been hired permanently, it was also my first real job after a long time of doing gigs here and there. That should tell you baby girl had no monies, none whatsoever except her first and now the last salary in a pandemic. You people also decided to pressure us into buying tissue, we shall not forget by the way. I didn’t cave in, the same way I didn’t cave into watching Game of Thrones. I am not going to remind you about what followed that year, cause no one needs that negativity in the new year.

Two months into the pandemic, I needed a survival plan, my earnings from my t-shirt branding and kiondo business @oftrendsandclass would not cut it, the only thing people were willing to spend money on was food. It is no secret that I am not exactly gifted in the kitchen, I am a daughter of Mumbi in every sense. I am one of those who make food for people who are hungry not people who want to sample a variety of tastes. Farming was also out of the question because I needed money asap, Also kwetu ni Kiambu, and my grandfather didnt grab land. I decided to capitalise on my grandmother’s Uji making skills. She makes that Uji wa Gukiyo they serve at ruracios and it’s always a hit. And folks that’s how baby girl became an Uji vendor, the most accurate term would be hawker but I am on Instagram and there we rename things to make them look exotic. For instance, a trip you didnt pay for is referred to as “manifesting works”. A mubabaz is called my photographer for the trip or my travel buddy and so on.

And here guys is where the story begins because I am being like those pastors who preach for an hour and go ahead to invite the speaker for the day. We made the Uji and my cousins helped me walk around, we knocked on doors, sold in shops and just like that my livelihood for around six months was born. I am not going to lie aty it was easy, that business whipped my ass. I did three rounds a day (get your mind off the gutter please), to make enough profit, two in the morning and one in the evening. I met every kind of person you are likely to meet in the village. There were the guys who insisted on paying via Mpesa even if they had the cash and then they would blow up my phone in the evening. There were the women who wanted to know whether I graduated, where my dad works, where my siblings schooled, all these in a day’s work. Then there were the favourites, my loyal customers, these ones purchased almost on a daily, some placed weekly orders for 5, 10 or 20 litres (if they had guests). On such days profits soared to the thousands and I couldn’t be happier.

Then there were days, I almost quit. You see guys, hawking Uji isn’t exactly anyone’s dream job not especially in the village where you are born and raised. Everyone knows you and that can be a good and bad thing. People felt the need to encourage me, while their intentions may have been the best, it reminds you that you are not doing well according to set standards. “Usijali, Mungu atakuonekania”, were not so good words to me then. Instead, it felt like they were saying haujaonekaniwa btw, do something sis, do something but not this.

There was one particular question that hit me close to home when I was buying stock (read the flour mix and sugar), the guy selling and I had already built acquaintance so he could make small talk. The conversation went something like this

“Unafanyanga Course gani?

Me nililishamaliza shule

Uligraduate diploma or degree?

Degree

Na Unauza Uji?”

Guys that question felt like a blow to my face, I felt reminded of how out of place I already felt and how miserable I was feeling. I beat myself up for not being smart enough to have one of those smart businesses with apps and stuff. I loathed myself because I didn’t think I was street smart enough to navigate my way through life. I was afraid of being used as an example of another Kenyan graduate failing in life. I could actually imagine myself on those headlines where they talked of jobless Kenyans and comments on Facebook about how young people don’t want to think beyond employment. I questioned my social skills and thought that maybe if I had more connections and networks I wouldn’t end up in that state. I was caught up in so much self-doubt that it didn’t occur to me that there was a whole pandemic and that even people who had been building themselves up for years were struggling.

Anyway, a year later, I am at a better place, still not close to where I want to be but there’s progress that I never thought I’d pull off soon. I also have to provide a disclaimer that this post is not to discredit anyone’s job or make it look less appealing, as a matter of fact, you are better putting yourself out there in whatever way. I, for one, met so many people. I got kidogo street cred. If you don’t believe me walk with me pale stage and see me shine. If your 2021 got you feeling like this, it’s just temporary, hang in there. Anyway na si thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

Have a Happy New Year Guys. (it doesn’t matter if it’s March, I will still wish you a happy new year because I can and hatupangwingwi)

2020, Covid-19, Hawking, instagram, kenyangraduate